Friday, August 15, 2014

20 Life-changing things I learned from Robert Glover's book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'

First, let me preface this by saying that I used to pride myself on being such a nice person. I still think that being nice on some levels is important and there is no point in being a dick for the sake of it, but Glover's book goes so much deeper than this.
A typical Nice Guy is someone who:
  • Puts others' needs above his
  • Tries to be perfect and hide his flaws
  • Is not respected and gets taken advantage of
  • Is afraid to take risks and challenge himself
  • Is uncomfortable expressing what they really feel or think
One of the most interesting parts of this book was Glover's talk about 'childhood abandonment experiences'. Most Nice Guys had a distant father-figure in their childhood. Children naturally become distressed at not having their emotional needs met, and thus as a survival mechanism they try to eliminate their needs in order to receive love in return. However, if this quality sticks around into adulthood, it can cripple your professional, social, and romantic relationships. Humans are naturally selfish to some degree, so it is incredibly unhealthy if you approach relationships with an expectation that putting others first will earn you love or affection.
All in all, I highly recommend reading the book for yourself (I'm sure someone can find the ebook online and post a link to it). I can't tell you enough how much this book has helped me to recognize what has been holding me back from getting what I want. The alternative to being a Nice Guy is not to be an asshole, but instead to be someone who is self-assured, empowered, and goes after what they want.
  1. Develop integrity; be honest and truthful in all interactions
  2. Don’t be afraid of the world or trying new things
  3. Learn to surrender yourself and let go of what you can’t change
  4. Do what YOU want to do instead of trying to constantly please others
  5. Learn how to receive and ask for help without feeling guilty or uncomfortable
  6. Recognize that you and everyone else is human, has flaws, and makes mistakes
  7. Stop trying to be perfect and flawless
  8. Stop seeking approval and external validation
  9. Learn to approve of yourself, and treat yourself to the things you deserve
  10. Stop building walls that prevent others from getting too close
  11. Stop trying to cover-up or distract attention from any perceived shortcoming
  12. Reflect on the childhood events and conditions that influence how you act today
  13. Set boundaries to prevent people from disrespecting or taking advantage of you
  14. Learn to be clear, direct, and expressive with your feelings
  15. Spend more time around men in order to develop your masculine energy
  16. Recognize that women reject nice guys because they perceive them as weak
  17. Learn to be more passionate, assertive, independent, and responsible
  18. Stop putting pressure on yourself to do everything ‘right’
  19. Don’t let fear of failure or fear of success stop you from living the life you’ve imagined
  20. Make a conscious decision to make your own rules and not settle for mediocrity

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